So, true story: someone confessed to me that they are early into a pregnancy. However, they weren’t the traditional over joyed woman we picture discovering they pregnant. She thought that I would be able to relate given how my own child came about.
Truth is, I totally understood how she was feeling.
I took my pregnancy test on a whim.
My gynecologist had told me in my early 20’s that I would likely need medical assistance to conceive. Which was one of the most devastating things I have ever been told. However, I wasn’t at a place in my life where I would consider having children and always felt I would cross that bridge when it came (As in: if I ever found some poor idiot who would want to marry me.)
I had been feeling off and nauseous for about a week. I was never regular and had been told I wasn’t exactly Suzy Fertile so there was nothing to make me believe my insides were about to be the home of a tiny creature.
The day I learned I was pregnant, I had to stop at the pharmacy to pick up medication. I walked by the pregnancy tests on the way to the pick up window and said “What the Hell?”
I came home, peed on the stick and plopped it on the floor (because I don’t like germs…I was NOT putting pee on the counter) and pondered why I just wasted $13 on a stupid test.
Then I saw the test.
I thought: “I can’t be reading it right.” “That line looks kind of questionable doesn’t it?” and proceeded to ask a friend to come over and examine my test for a second opinion. (Because I won’t put pee near my counter, but it’s TOTALLY normal to have someone else get all up close and personal with it).
I then went back to the pharmacy and bought 2 different pregnancy tests. The ones that spell it out for you: Pregnant or Not Pregnant.
There were LOTS of tears on my patio that day.
The father is someone I had JUST started seeing and barely really knew. I was a cliché at 30.
I called him and made him come over. He said that the decision of what I wanted to do would ultimately be mine.
I slept on it and by the time I went to the Doctor’s office for official confirmation the next day, I knew I was going to have this baby.
In that moment, I had about $15 in the bank, I had JUST started a new job, I had NO health insurance yet, I could barely support myself at that time but I was about to have a teeny human to be responsible for. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I knew if I didn’t have this baby, I would regret it for the rest of my life. After all, I had been told I probably could not get pregnant on my own: what if this was the only chance in life I got to have a baby?
I spent a lot of my pregnancy feeling a bit ashamed that I was not doing things the traditional way. Or, at the very least, the way I had envisioned for myself (having a husband).
I had a complicated pregnancy and ended up with lots of doctor’s appointments. I did the appointments alone. My mother came up for some of the ultrasounds but living states apart didn’t allow for her to make it to every appointment.
When I picked out baby things and registered, I had the help of family but no input from the father. He never offered it. Although, I’m sure if asked, he would say otherwise.
I was induced and gave birth with my mother by my side. She cut the cord of her granddaughter (I can still remember how she JUMPED at the opportunity. Still funny to me.)
Two weeks after my daughter was born, I was EXHAUSTED, overwhelmed and knew I needed my parents. So, I walked out into the living room of my teeny one bedroom apartment and announced, “I’m moving back home.”
I walked away from a place I had called home for 15 years and moved into a room at my parents. I had no job. No plan. And was living off money from my 401k I took an early withdrawal from because diapers aren’t cheap y’all!
After living with my parents for 6 months, I stumbled into the world of direct sales. Never in a MILLION years did I think I would ever do direct sales. I was just hoping to make some extra dollars to put away something for my daughter and I to live off of. What I gained was so much more.
Three months after starting with my former direct sales company, I was able to move out of my parents’ house into our own place and have some money in the bank. I spent 2 years in the top 3%-5% of the company for sales before I left for another company.
Direct sales is what still supports my daughter and I and I love it as well as the community and the freedom it’s afforded me.
The day I found out I was pregnant, my entire life changed course. Not all at once. It happened so slowly but it pushed me into where I am now.
I’m no longer ashamed to be a single mom. I am PROUD to be a single mom. That little girl asleep in her bed right now is every amazing thing she is because of me.
I am strong, self-assured, self-confident and a badass boss lady in ways I could never have imagined because of that little girl.
I can run a business and build it into something from nothing and I can run a team because of that little girl in there.
And, moreover, I may not have been thrilled to find out I was pregnant, but now I know what real love is because I was blessed with my little girl.